Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
