they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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