I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
