Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
