just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle