I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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