She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
