nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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