Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
