Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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