I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
