My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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