whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
