Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
