He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
