Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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