I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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