Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
