im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
