when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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