I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
