MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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