I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
