I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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