you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
