Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
