what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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