her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
