Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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