i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
