I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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