1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
