Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
