I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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