thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
