i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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