I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
