i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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