Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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