The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
