I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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