I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
