im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize