3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
