We named our party play list daddy issues
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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