Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
