I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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