Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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