how hairy? two words: wookie tits
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
