Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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