Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
