if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
