um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
