my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
