Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
