youre lurking in front of me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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