I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
