brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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