I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh god the rape fog is back!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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