Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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