I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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