i think my tv is drunk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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