Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
