i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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