I seem to have left my pride at pride
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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