You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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