just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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