We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
