he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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