you would pick up someone in the library
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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