no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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