Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
