Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
