Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
