At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
