I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize