I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
