i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
