OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
